I can barely walk

And it feels great!

I went to circuit training for the first time in forever yesterday, and my old 20/20 trainer happened to be the guy teaching. He pushed me through a tough class - obviously you get out of it what you put in, but the format was tough and then of course I did as much as I could.

Jeff came with me; he said part way through the class that he'd forgotten how much harder you work when a trainer is at the front of the room checking on you. Yeah, me too. I thought for the longest time I could do it on my own - and I know that physically I can do it, I know how to do it - but that external motivation helps, too.

This morning Sarah and I ran in Bridle Trails. Despite my sore hamstrings, the run felt good (probably really slow, but whatever). It was nice to get out of bed and feel motivated to do something.

I'm working on a few different things, with regard to my ongoing unhappiness. First, exercising close to daily is a must. Even if the restlessness and anxiety doesn't go away for the entire day, it goes away while I'm working out, and then I have a little reprieve for a bit afterwards. I'm also trying to make amends with the known problems. I really don't want to have any confrontations, but they're coming - and I know they have to.

I'm also thinking about getting away for a while. I'm asking for permission to work remotely, and I have a place to stay, oh, about, 1300 miles from here. By myself. On the one hand, it is running away, which is immature and silly; but on the other, it's time to myself to focus and try to break out of whatever is going on with me.

But we'll see. If I were to go, I'd want to leave this weekend and drive, but my hair really needs to be re-dyed and I don't have an appointment until August 9, and it looks so bad and I'm so loyal to the person who does it that I think I might have to stick around.

And this illustrates the maturity of my thought processes these days. Oh well.