When friendships end

What's the natural end to a friendship?

Obviously when one friend moves away, friendships drift apart. Or, when interests change, and schedules no longer align.

But what happens when you just decide you don't want to be friends with someone anymore? Can you even do that, if the person you don't want to be friends with is in your social circle?

And shouldn't I have learned this in high school?

I feel like right now, I have a handful of friendships that are in limbo. A gal who lives nearby, but who I never see. A set of friends in another nearby city, who have totally different social interests. Someone who has done something I can't forgive - yet I see him fairly often. Someone who hasn't forgiven me for something I did, and maybe won't.

There are people to whom I want to be closer, and people I wish to separate myself from. But it seems like this doesn't happen deliberately. When that guy lied to me and I caught him, I decided then and there I was no longer going to be his friend. Saturday afternoon, I texted him and said I was going to hug him and be over it for real this time when I saw him Saturday night. I did, and to be honest, I am. I was positive once, just two weeks ago, that our friendship was over; it's not. And I'm positive now that my "in limbo" friendships are still alive - but maybe they're not. Who really knows?

Facebook too makes the notion of friendship kind of weird. I'm in "Facebook touch" with a number of people I would have lost touch with long ago, had it not been for a saved email address. I like it, actually; when I get silly status updates from those friends I wouldn't have otherwise kept in touch with, I feel like I'm still connected to them, and them to me. But aren't they really strangers at this point? Isn't it just a bit of voyeurism that keeps us linked to one another?

Who knows. I just wish I knew where I stood with every single person. I wish all the unresolved conflicts were fixed and I was over it, instead of being here knowing something or somethings are going to happen, and I'm going to feel something. That's what's so unsettling right now - the idea that emotions are coming, and I'm going to have to deal with them. I'd rather just turn them off.