So this week has been impossible, and I really don't know why.
I was okay earlier in the week, but my inability to get out of bed has escalated toward the end of the week. This morning, I was positive I wouldn't get out of bed at all; yesterday, I got out of bed late and took a couple of naps during the day when I couldn't bear to have my eyes open any longer.
And I'm not actually tired. I'm...I hate to use the "d" word.
What really sucks is that when John is depressed, there's always a reason or a set of reasons, and we can talk, and make a plan to fix the issues he faces.
When I am down, there's never an obvious reason. If there were, I would fix it. I'd just figure out what to do, and start right away. I make plans. I do stuff.
No fair that I have no idea what to do this time.
I guess its good that all I do is sleep when I'm low. I could be abusing susbtances, I suppose, and even though I have easy access to alcohol in the house, I don't bother. And no, not because of the calories. I just don't have that kind of personality...which is odd, considering many people in my family do.
I just feel like giving up, starting over...I want to move to Portland. With John and the kids. A new city, new job, new friends...I know it's ridiculous, but doesn't it sound great, too?
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From fat girl to Ironman... a diary of exercise, diet, training, and whatever else comes to mind.
2 comments:
I hate that feeling...I hope things start looking up for you.
I have been reading this blog pretty much since you started. Not that that means I know you, but just by reading, you always seem happiest when you have goals set and work towards achieving them. Since IM Canada, you took a well deserved break. Maybe you need to get back ONE of the things that seem to make you happy: training for races. Even when it was the smaller runs and/or tris, your training goals and you achieving them seem to bring you a lot of joy. I’m not saying another IM because I that was work not just for you but you but your entire family, but working out seems to bring you joy beyond just being fit. Input from a stranger (:-) Hope it helps
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