And it feels great!
I went to circuit training for the first time in forever yesterday, and my old 20/20 trainer happened to be the guy teaching. He pushed me through a tough class - obviously you get out of it what you put in, but the format was tough and then of course I did as much as I could.
Jeff came with me; he said part way through the class that he'd forgotten how much harder you work when a trainer is at the front of the room checking on you. Yeah, me too. I thought for the longest time I could do it on my own - and I know that physically I can do it, I know how to do it - but that external motivation helps, too.
This morning Sarah and I ran in Bridle Trails. Despite my sore hamstrings, the run felt good (probably really slow, but whatever). It was nice to get out of bed and feel motivated to do something.
I'm working on a few different things, with regard to my ongoing unhappiness. First, exercising close to daily is a must. Even if the restlessness and anxiety doesn't go away for the entire day, it goes away while I'm working out, and then I have a little reprieve for a bit afterwards. I'm also trying to make amends with the known problems. I really don't want to have any confrontations, but they're coming - and I know they have to.
I'm also thinking about getting away for a while. I'm asking for permission to work remotely, and I have a place to stay, oh, about, 1300 miles from here. By myself. On the one hand, it is running away, which is immature and silly; but on the other, it's time to myself to focus and try to break out of whatever is going on with me.
But we'll see. If I were to go, I'd want to leave this weekend and drive, but my hair really needs to be re-dyed and I don't have an appointment until August 9, and it looks so bad and I'm so loyal to the person who does it that I think I might have to stick around.
And this illustrates the maturity of my thought processes these days. Oh well.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
When friendships end
What's the natural end to a friendship?
Obviously when one friend moves away, friendships drift apart. Or, when interests change, and schedules no longer align.
But what happens when you just decide you don't want to be friends with someone anymore? Can you even do that, if the person you don't want to be friends with is in your social circle?
And shouldn't I have learned this in high school?
I feel like right now, I have a handful of friendships that are in limbo. A gal who lives nearby, but who I never see. A set of friends in another nearby city, who have totally different social interests. Someone who has done something I can't forgive - yet I see him fairly often. Someone who hasn't forgiven me for something I did, and maybe won't.
There are people to whom I want to be closer, and people I wish to separate myself from. But it seems like this doesn't happen deliberately. When that guy lied to me and I caught him, I decided then and there I was no longer going to be his friend. Saturday afternoon, I texted him and said I was going to hug him and be over it for real this time when I saw him Saturday night. I did, and to be honest, I am. I was positive once, just two weeks ago, that our friendship was over; it's not. And I'm positive now that my "in limbo" friendships are still alive - but maybe they're not. Who really knows?
Facebook too makes the notion of friendship kind of weird. I'm in "Facebook touch" with a number of people I would have lost touch with long ago, had it not been for a saved email address. I like it, actually; when I get silly status updates from those friends I wouldn't have otherwise kept in touch with, I feel like I'm still connected to them, and them to me. But aren't they really strangers at this point? Isn't it just a bit of voyeurism that keeps us linked to one another?
Who knows. I just wish I knew where I stood with every single person. I wish all the unresolved conflicts were fixed and I was over it, instead of being here knowing something or somethings are going to happen, and I'm going to feel something. That's what's so unsettling right now - the idea that emotions are coming, and I'm going to have to deal with them. I'd rather just turn them off.
Obviously when one friend moves away, friendships drift apart. Or, when interests change, and schedules no longer align.
But what happens when you just decide you don't want to be friends with someone anymore? Can you even do that, if the person you don't want to be friends with is in your social circle?
And shouldn't I have learned this in high school?
I feel like right now, I have a handful of friendships that are in limbo. A gal who lives nearby, but who I never see. A set of friends in another nearby city, who have totally different social interests. Someone who has done something I can't forgive - yet I see him fairly often. Someone who hasn't forgiven me for something I did, and maybe won't.
There are people to whom I want to be closer, and people I wish to separate myself from. But it seems like this doesn't happen deliberately. When that guy lied to me and I caught him, I decided then and there I was no longer going to be his friend. Saturday afternoon, I texted him and said I was going to hug him and be over it for real this time when I saw him Saturday night. I did, and to be honest, I am. I was positive once, just two weeks ago, that our friendship was over; it's not. And I'm positive now that my "in limbo" friendships are still alive - but maybe they're not. Who really knows?
Facebook too makes the notion of friendship kind of weird. I'm in "Facebook touch" with a number of people I would have lost touch with long ago, had it not been for a saved email address. I like it, actually; when I get silly status updates from those friends I wouldn't have otherwise kept in touch with, I feel like I'm still connected to them, and them to me. But aren't they really strangers at this point? Isn't it just a bit of voyeurism that keeps us linked to one another?
Who knows. I just wish I knew where I stood with every single person. I wish all the unresolved conflicts were fixed and I was over it, instead of being here knowing something or somethings are going to happen, and I'm going to feel something. That's what's so unsettling right now - the idea that emotions are coming, and I'm going to have to deal with them. I'd rather just turn them off.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Hike-running, or run-hiking?
This morning I went out with a couple of gals to run Rattlesnake Ledge. It was advertised something like this:
"This will be a beautiful and relaxing run. Trail starts out in some light woods and then opens up onto an exposed, steeper section where you can see some small wildlife. You’re immediately back into the woods for a cushy ride on a soft, pine-covered trail that meanders up and down through the woods for a few miles. It smells great and you can’t hear the freeway. It’s lovely."
Uh, yeah. So it actually goes like this:
The trail starts out uphill in the woods. It's pretty, but it's uphill. Then it opens up onto an exposed, steeper section where the view is amazing, if you can lift your head to look at it. But if you do, you'll see that there's a lot more uphill to go. You're soon back into the woods, where you continue to gain elevation for, oh, about the rest of the time on the "out" part of this run. The trail will be lovely, and you won't be able to hear the traffic on I-90 anyway because you'll be breathing so heavily. You won't really go "down" per se, unless it's opposite day and down means up. There might be one tiny downhill section...followed by yet another steep uphill.
Yeah, that's more like it.
So I ran for the first 20 minutes; the next 10 was mostly running with a few walking steps; then the next 42 was primarily speed-walking with some running when my heart rate dipped below 170. You read that right...170. At the end of the uphill portion, I stopped my HR monitor and the AVERAGE was 170. Let me reiterate: for an hour and 12 minutes. So it was pretty intense.
Oh, and the other girls beat me up the hill - by a lot. Very humbling - but in a good way. I'm out of shape and I can't pretend I'm not. The proof is in the walking.
On the way down, I led the way, until a cramp got the best of me. I walked for a few minutes and it seemed to go away, but when I picked up running again, it came right back. I slowed down, lost the girls, and pushed through the pain.
Downhill was kind of hard, but not cardiovascularly. It definitely hurt my knees, but I loved how I needed to work to maintain my balance. I don't think I could have walked down anyway; it seemed too steep.
So in all, it was 9 miles in two hours. I originally had 10 miles on my schedule, then changed it to 13. But given the intensity of the run, the work of all my muscles to stabilize myself (both up and down), and the amount of time spent running, I'm satisfied that I did the solid workout I needed to get in today.
And best of all, I woke up easily, pre-alarm, with no desire to hide under the covers. First day this week I've felt that way!
"This will be a beautiful and relaxing run. Trail starts out in some light woods and then opens up onto an exposed, steeper section where you can see some small wildlife. You’re immediately back into the woods for a cushy ride on a soft, pine-covered trail that meanders up and down through the woods for a few miles. It smells great and you can’t hear the freeway. It’s lovely."
Uh, yeah. So it actually goes like this:
The trail starts out uphill in the woods. It's pretty, but it's uphill. Then it opens up onto an exposed, steeper section where the view is amazing, if you can lift your head to look at it. But if you do, you'll see that there's a lot more uphill to go. You're soon back into the woods, where you continue to gain elevation for, oh, about the rest of the time on the "out" part of this run. The trail will be lovely, and you won't be able to hear the traffic on I-90 anyway because you'll be breathing so heavily. You won't really go "down" per se, unless it's opposite day and down means up. There might be one tiny downhill section...followed by yet another steep uphill.
Yeah, that's more like it.
So I ran for the first 20 minutes; the next 10 was mostly running with a few walking steps; then the next 42 was primarily speed-walking with some running when my heart rate dipped below 170. You read that right...170. At the end of the uphill portion, I stopped my HR monitor and the AVERAGE was 170. Let me reiterate: for an hour and 12 minutes. So it was pretty intense.
Oh, and the other girls beat me up the hill - by a lot. Very humbling - but in a good way. I'm out of shape and I can't pretend I'm not. The proof is in the walking.
On the way down, I led the way, until a cramp got the best of me. I walked for a few minutes and it seemed to go away, but when I picked up running again, it came right back. I slowed down, lost the girls, and pushed through the pain.
Downhill was kind of hard, but not cardiovascularly. It definitely hurt my knees, but I loved how I needed to work to maintain my balance. I don't think I could have walked down anyway; it seemed too steep.
So in all, it was 9 miles in two hours. I originally had 10 miles on my schedule, then changed it to 13. But given the intensity of the run, the work of all my muscles to stabilize myself (both up and down), and the amount of time spent running, I'm satisfied that I did the solid workout I needed to get in today.
And best of all, I woke up easily, pre-alarm, with no desire to hide under the covers. First day this week I've felt that way!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Unhappiness
So this week has been impossible, and I really don't know why.
I was okay earlier in the week, but my inability to get out of bed has escalated toward the end of the week. This morning, I was positive I wouldn't get out of bed at all; yesterday, I got out of bed late and took a couple of naps during the day when I couldn't bear to have my eyes open any longer.
And I'm not actually tired. I'm...I hate to use the "d" word.
What really sucks is that when John is depressed, there's always a reason or a set of reasons, and we can talk, and make a plan to fix the issues he faces.
When I am down, there's never an obvious reason. If there were, I would fix it. I'd just figure out what to do, and start right away. I make plans. I do stuff.
No fair that I have no idea what to do this time.
I guess its good that all I do is sleep when I'm low. I could be abusing susbtances, I suppose, and even though I have easy access to alcohol in the house, I don't bother. And no, not because of the calories. I just don't have that kind of personality...which is odd, considering many people in my family do.
I just feel like giving up, starting over...I want to move to Portland. With John and the kids. A new city, new job, new friends...I know it's ridiculous, but doesn't it sound great, too?
I was okay earlier in the week, but my inability to get out of bed has escalated toward the end of the week. This morning, I was positive I wouldn't get out of bed at all; yesterday, I got out of bed late and took a couple of naps during the day when I couldn't bear to have my eyes open any longer.
And I'm not actually tired. I'm...I hate to use the "d" word.
What really sucks is that when John is depressed, there's always a reason or a set of reasons, and we can talk, and make a plan to fix the issues he faces.
When I am down, there's never an obvious reason. If there were, I would fix it. I'd just figure out what to do, and start right away. I make plans. I do stuff.
No fair that I have no idea what to do this time.
I guess its good that all I do is sleep when I'm low. I could be abusing susbtances, I suppose, and even though I have easy access to alcohol in the house, I don't bother. And no, not because of the calories. I just don't have that kind of personality...which is odd, considering many people in my family do.
I just feel like giving up, starting over...I want to move to Portland. With John and the kids. A new city, new job, new friends...I know it's ridiculous, but doesn't it sound great, too?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Forgiving
A couple of weeks ago, I casually - and with no motive other than making conversation - asked a friend what he was doing that night.
"Nothing," he replied. "We're really tired, we're just going to stay in and chill."
I believed him...sort of. Something in the way he said it made me feel a little bit like I'd been lied to.
Well, a few hours later, as we stopped by his house to pick something up (that he had asked us to get that moment!), we discover a car belonging to some other friends and those friends hiding in the closet.
My friend was caught in a bald-faced lie.
I actually felt good for a moment. That uncomfortable feeling I'd had had blossomed into a full-on suspicion that I'd been lied to...and knowing I had made it easy for me to change my myspace status to "Jessica says when your friends start lying to you, that's when they're no longer your friends."
On Monday, he instant messaged me. At first I was going to ignore him, but then he said, "If you're there but ignoring me because you're pissed, I understand, but at least give me the opportunity to explain to you what went down and why it went that way before you shut me out. If you still feel the same way, I'll completely understand, but at least hear me out please."
I replied, "Okay. I am here."
He proceeded to explain why he kept the information from me, and what he should have done instead, and how he's sorry I was hurt and offended.
I didn't say I forgave him; all I said was, "Okay. Thank you for the explanation."
Two days later, driving home from work, some feeling came over me and I decided to text him and say this: "I am over it. I don't even want to explain why it was important. Done, finished, moving on."
What I felt done with was my anger; what I wanted to do was avoid this person and not be his friend any longer. Sort of. I wish I could really want that; the fact is, I want this situation not to have happened. I really care about this friend; I don't want to let him go.
The following Saturday night, he was out at the club we went to, and he smiled at me and waved and tried to be friendly...and I immediately wanted to run away and not talk to him. But he wanted to talk - he reiterated out loud everything he had said over Instant Messenger. I was like, you already said all that. And he said, well, I just wanted to say it out loud. I let him say what he had to say, and then walked away.
So, okay. I'm gone for a week, and when I come back, we decide to go out on a Wednesday to see a DJ friend play in a bar. I know this guy is going to be there, and until we arrive and I see his car parked outside, I feel okay about it.
But then when we get in, I just feel so awful again...so unimportant or irrelevant I can be just lied to directly, to my face.
I want to forgive him and move on. I've often - but not always - felt like out of all the people in our group, this guy and I have a lot in common and sometimes we have a special bond. Maybe I'm wrong and that's only there for me.
Regardless, just being reminded of the lie hurts! I can see it in my own frame of mind - I had two drinks at the bar, then a glass of wine at a restaurant with John later on - and instead of getting happy and fun, I got depressed and felt horrible.
When we got home, I texted the guy. "I don't know why it's so hard to feel like I forgive you. I guess it really hurts to be lied to, regardless of motive."
He responds: "I understand - all I can do is apologize, admit to my mistake, and refrain from making the same mistake again :-( ."
So he's done the right things. He knows he's wrong, he knows he hurt me, and he feels bad and will try not to do it again.
How do I get over my hurt and forgive him now? For real, no looking back?
The funny thing is, I'm in the opposite situation with another friend, where I did something wrong, apologized, and am not being forgiven. I'll write about that later.
"Nothing," he replied. "We're really tired, we're just going to stay in and chill."
I believed him...sort of. Something in the way he said it made me feel a little bit like I'd been lied to.
Well, a few hours later, as we stopped by his house to pick something up (that he had asked us to get that moment!), we discover a car belonging to some other friends and those friends hiding in the closet.
My friend was caught in a bald-faced lie.
I actually felt good for a moment. That uncomfortable feeling I'd had had blossomed into a full-on suspicion that I'd been lied to...and knowing I had made it easy for me to change my myspace status to "Jessica says when your friends start lying to you, that's when they're no longer your friends."
On Monday, he instant messaged me. At first I was going to ignore him, but then he said, "If you're there but ignoring me because you're pissed, I understand, but at least give me the opportunity to explain to you what went down and why it went that way before you shut me out. If you still feel the same way, I'll completely understand, but at least hear me out please."
I replied, "Okay. I am here."
He proceeded to explain why he kept the information from me, and what he should have done instead, and how he's sorry I was hurt and offended.
I didn't say I forgave him; all I said was, "Okay. Thank you for the explanation."
Two days later, driving home from work, some feeling came over me and I decided to text him and say this: "I am over it. I don't even want to explain why it was important. Done, finished, moving on."
What I felt done with was my anger; what I wanted to do was avoid this person and not be his friend any longer. Sort of. I wish I could really want that; the fact is, I want this situation not to have happened. I really care about this friend; I don't want to let him go.
The following Saturday night, he was out at the club we went to, and he smiled at me and waved and tried to be friendly...and I immediately wanted to run away and not talk to him. But he wanted to talk - he reiterated out loud everything he had said over Instant Messenger. I was like, you already said all that. And he said, well, I just wanted to say it out loud. I let him say what he had to say, and then walked away.
So, okay. I'm gone for a week, and when I come back, we decide to go out on a Wednesday to see a DJ friend play in a bar. I know this guy is going to be there, and until we arrive and I see his car parked outside, I feel okay about it.
But then when we get in, I just feel so awful again...so unimportant or irrelevant I can be just lied to directly, to my face.
I want to forgive him and move on. I've often - but not always - felt like out of all the people in our group, this guy and I have a lot in common and sometimes we have a special bond. Maybe I'm wrong and that's only there for me.
Regardless, just being reminded of the lie hurts! I can see it in my own frame of mind - I had two drinks at the bar, then a glass of wine at a restaurant with John later on - and instead of getting happy and fun, I got depressed and felt horrible.
When we got home, I texted the guy. "I don't know why it's so hard to feel like I forgive you. I guess it really hurts to be lied to, regardless of motive."
He responds: "I understand - all I can do is apologize, admit to my mistake, and refrain from making the same mistake again :-( ."
So he's done the right things. He knows he's wrong, he knows he hurt me, and he feels bad and will try not to do it again.
How do I get over my hurt and forgive him now? For real, no looking back?
The funny thing is, I'm in the opposite situation with another friend, where I did something wrong, apologized, and am not being forgiven. I'll write about that later.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Talking to my eight-year-old on instant messenger
It's a really weird experience.
I mean, does he even know how to read? Does he read sarcasm and tone and whatever the way adults do?
Here's an excerpt from our conversation (note that he's logged in to John's account):
Jessica says:
okay. will you get camille or should I/
John says:
its up to you its G now daddy left
Jessica says:
you are closer, so you can get her. What do you want for dinner?
John says:
yes
Jessica says:
"yes" is not an answer to the question "what do you want for dinner"
Jessica says:
You want to eat "yes"?
John says:
NO we can pick cz up
Jessica says:
I know. I also asked what you would like to eat.
John says:
I want to make QD
Jessica says:
QD?
John says:
tortilla.....cheese
Jessica says:
quesadilla
John says:
yes ........ I do not how to spell that
Jessica says:
That's how. Is this still Gabriel?
John says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica says:
No need to yell, dude. Did you know that using capital letters on the Internet is yelling?
John says:
ok
Okay, I'm a bad bad mother. Oh well!
I mean, does he even know how to read? Does he read sarcasm and tone and whatever the way adults do?
Here's an excerpt from our conversation (note that he's logged in to John's account):
Jessica says:
okay. will you get camille or should I/
John says:
its up to you its G now daddy left
Jessica says:
you are closer, so you can get her. What do you want for dinner?
John says:
yes
Jessica says:
"yes" is not an answer to the question "what do you want for dinner"
Jessica says:
You want to eat "yes"?
John says:
NO we can pick cz up
Jessica says:
I know. I also asked what you would like to eat.
John says:
I want to make QD
Jessica says:
QD?
John says:
tortilla.....cheese
Jessica says:
quesadilla
John says:
yes ........ I do not how to spell that
Jessica says:
That's how. Is this still Gabriel?
John says:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica says:
No need to yell, dude. Did you know that using capital letters on the Internet is yelling?
John says:
ok
Okay, I'm a bad bad mother. Oh well!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Belonging
Today we had 13 miles on the schedule, and decided to do one of my favorite runs: Bellevue to Seattle and back. It feels like an accomplishment - to run to Seattle from the east side - and to be honest, 13 miles is an accomplishment anyway.
I went to bed fairly early; I was exhausted last night. There were a couple of things going on, and we even had childcare if we wanted it, but nothing was exciting enough to get me out. Anyway, we went out Thursday and had a blast, so I think I'm done with Fridays. Thursday there were no slimy guys out, only people who love music, and lots of friends. Friday brings the frat boy crowd, and I don't need my ass grabbed in a club by a stranger, thank you very much. But back to the point: I stayed home and got decent sleep, waking up naturally before my alarm (around 6:15).
I haven't quite figured out what I should eat for breakfast while I'm trying to lose weight and marathon train (yeah I know they're not very compatible)...so I took the poor option of a butter croissant from Starbucks along with my coffee. 39 grams of carbs, though, and 290 calories - I probably should have more protein, but I could do worse, I guess.
The run is quite hilly - honestly, hillier than I remember. I thought it was just short ups and downs...but some of those ups felt not-so-short. And when we started it was 62 degrees; I know that's nothing for most of the country, but in Seattle at 8 a.m., that's a sure sign the day will be what we consider warm (maybe up to 80! Oh my goodness! How easily the girl from Massachusetts forgets what summers are really like!)
I felt pretty good for most of the run - unlike last week's 11 miler. I fell behind Aleks and Nancy on some of the hills (which was only annoying because Nancy had said early on "I don't think I have 13 miles in me today!" and I was like, yeah, whatever).
At one point, Aleks told me I'm a stronger runner than she is. I laughed and said for sure not right now - and she basically told me that she knows I'm just coming back and two weeks from now I'll be 30 seconds per mile faster. I love the confidence my friends have in me - it's so different from how I feel myself.
I know I haven't been running as much or lifting weights or cross-training. And my body shows it: While I'm only a few pounds heavier, I'm positive that my body fat is up and lean mass down. My knees hurt when I run - which they always do when I'm over 140 lbs - and I feel jiggles. The shoulders and arms I used to be proud of are now embarrassments. (And still I have no desire to lift...which we talked about, too. I think Aleks and I are going to try to do it together in August.)
But the thought that creeps into my head when I fall behind isn't "I did an Ironman last year, I can totally come back from this" - instead, it's "Here's proof you don't belong with these women, Jessica!"
It's silly. Intellectually I know it's wrong. But emotionally, it's how I feel.
So today, finishing the 13 miles alone (Aleks and Nancy ahead, another girl behind), I had to force myself to pick up my head and run tall. And then I picked up my stride and stretched out my legs on the way to the car.
And when I stopped running to do my cool-down walk and the runner's high hit, for a moment I could almost believe I was wrong, I really do belong there.
Almost.
I went to bed fairly early; I was exhausted last night. There were a couple of things going on, and we even had childcare if we wanted it, but nothing was exciting enough to get me out. Anyway, we went out Thursday and had a blast, so I think I'm done with Fridays. Thursday there were no slimy guys out, only people who love music, and lots of friends. Friday brings the frat boy crowd, and I don't need my ass grabbed in a club by a stranger, thank you very much. But back to the point: I stayed home and got decent sleep, waking up naturally before my alarm (around 6:15).
I haven't quite figured out what I should eat for breakfast while I'm trying to lose weight and marathon train (yeah I know they're not very compatible)...so I took the poor option of a butter croissant from Starbucks along with my coffee. 39 grams of carbs, though, and 290 calories - I probably should have more protein, but I could do worse, I guess.
The run is quite hilly - honestly, hillier than I remember. I thought it was just short ups and downs...but some of those ups felt not-so-short. And when we started it was 62 degrees; I know that's nothing for most of the country, but in Seattle at 8 a.m., that's a sure sign the day will be what we consider warm (maybe up to 80! Oh my goodness! How easily the girl from Massachusetts forgets what summers are really like!)
I felt pretty good for most of the run - unlike last week's 11 miler. I fell behind Aleks and Nancy on some of the hills (which was only annoying because Nancy had said early on "I don't think I have 13 miles in me today!" and I was like, yeah, whatever).
At one point, Aleks told me I'm a stronger runner than she is. I laughed and said for sure not right now - and she basically told me that she knows I'm just coming back and two weeks from now I'll be 30 seconds per mile faster. I love the confidence my friends have in me - it's so different from how I feel myself.
I know I haven't been running as much or lifting weights or cross-training. And my body shows it: While I'm only a few pounds heavier, I'm positive that my body fat is up and lean mass down. My knees hurt when I run - which they always do when I'm over 140 lbs - and I feel jiggles. The shoulders and arms I used to be proud of are now embarrassments. (And still I have no desire to lift...which we talked about, too. I think Aleks and I are going to try to do it together in August.)
But the thought that creeps into my head when I fall behind isn't "I did an Ironman last year, I can totally come back from this" - instead, it's "Here's proof you don't belong with these women, Jessica!"
It's silly. Intellectually I know it's wrong. But emotionally, it's how I feel.
So today, finishing the 13 miles alone (Aleks and Nancy ahead, another girl behind), I had to force myself to pick up my head and run tall. And then I picked up my stride and stretched out my legs on the way to the car.
And when I stopped running to do my cool-down walk and the runner's high hit, for a moment I could almost believe I was wrong, I really do belong there.
Almost.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Wednesday speed work!
Aleks set out a workout for us today; it looked like this:
1 mile (slow) warm up (5 laps)
1 lap @ 6:45 pace
1 lap recovery
6 laps @ 7:45 pace w/ 1 lap recovery after each
1 mile recovery
The track is 1/5 of a mile, not the standard 1/4 (it's around a soccer field), so this amounts to just under 5 miles.
I was nervous, but not couldn't-sleep nervous like I often am before a long run. I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up; after all, I haven't even tried to run fast in almost a year.
But I woke up without knee or foot pain, so I just went. How bad could it be?
Well, turns out, I'm not sure what my actual pace was for any lap, as I couldn't quite hang with Aleks and Allison but I was ahead of Nancy (who also had a Garmin). For the first five fast laps, I was about 5 to 7 seconds behind; which translates to 25 to 35 seconds per mile behind, but I think they actually went faster than the advertised pace.
So I was slower, they were faster, and I finished five out of seven pretty well. The last two fast laps were HARD and I slowed down a lot - but got them done.
For a first speed work workout, that's fine by me.
Aleks and I made our plan for the Portland Marathon, too. It basically looks like this:
Monday: Recovery runs of 4 or 5 miles
Wednesday: Speed work (5 miles including recovery laps)
Friday: Marathon pace runs of 6 to 9 miles
Saturday or Sunday: Long runs at endurance pace; we'll have a 19, 20, and a 22 miler before the big day.
I'm actually excited to have a plan again and a training log. It feels right.
1 mile (slow) warm up (5 laps)
1 lap @ 6:45 pace
1 lap recovery
6 laps @ 7:45 pace w/ 1 lap recovery after each
1 mile recovery
The track is 1/5 of a mile, not the standard 1/4 (it's around a soccer field), so this amounts to just under 5 miles.
I was nervous, but not couldn't-sleep nervous like I often am before a long run. I worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up; after all, I haven't even tried to run fast in almost a year.
But I woke up without knee or foot pain, so I just went. How bad could it be?
Well, turns out, I'm not sure what my actual pace was for any lap, as I couldn't quite hang with Aleks and Allison but I was ahead of Nancy (who also had a Garmin). For the first five fast laps, I was about 5 to 7 seconds behind; which translates to 25 to 35 seconds per mile behind, but I think they actually went faster than the advertised pace.
So I was slower, they were faster, and I finished five out of seven pretty well. The last two fast laps were HARD and I slowed down a lot - but got them done.
For a first speed work workout, that's fine by me.
Aleks and I made our plan for the Portland Marathon, too. It basically looks like this:
Monday: Recovery runs of 4 or 5 miles
Wednesday: Speed work (5 miles including recovery laps)
Friday: Marathon pace runs of 6 to 9 miles
Saturday or Sunday: Long runs at endurance pace; we'll have a 19, 20, and a 22 miler before the big day.
I'm actually excited to have a plan again and a training log. It feels right.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
I sleep with Darth Vader and I love it
For as long as I can remember (since I met my husband), I've always had much more energy than him.
In the past few years, though - after I lost weight and became athletic - it has been a serious issue between us. I might go so far as to say an issue that made me question our marriage.
This year has gotten especially bad, too. It's not just that we go out more than we used to; it's that John uses Red Bull or other stuff like that to stay awake, and then he stays awake for way too long (even if I go to sleep) and then pays for it the following week. Stimulants - caffeine, energy drinks, etc - really affect him.
He needs them to be able to go out and have fun, but then he crashes hard. He'll fall asleep standing up, while driving, or whatever. He goes to bed at night and wakes up just as tired (maybe more so) in the morning.
Now, I've never had a problem falling or staying asleep. In fact, part of the reason I didn't realize for so long how serious John's sleep deprivation was is that I hit the pillow and fall asleep right away.
Recently, though, John started falling asleep before me. And I learned something: if he falls asleep first, I never get to sleep - because he snores and stops breathing.
I started to suspect he has sleep apnea, and that's why he is so tired all the time and never wants to do anything.
I forced him to go to the doctor, and two sleep studies later, we've learned that he does indeed have sleep apnea - it's even classified as severe. He wakes up 33 times an hour to breathe during lighter sleep and 66 times an hour during deep sleep. So obviously the poor guy never actually gets deep sleep.
This angel of a sleep doctor pulled strings to get him a CPAP machine prior to the Fourth of July holiday. And lo and behold - I have a new husband!
He's awake, alert, and feels great! He had no idea how bad it was until he finally felt well-rested. He wears this mask over his mouth and nose and it's connected to tubes and whatever - he says it looks more uncomfortable than it actually feels.
It's very quiet, too - all I hear is the sound of regular, light breathing. It's actually quite peaceful. (The Darth Vader thing is an exaggeration...but it's funny, so I keep saying it.)
There's no cure for sleep apnea; he'll be on the machine until something else is invented, I guess, or a cure is found. John's sleep apnea isn't about weight, unfortunately; it's the structure of his mouth, tongue and throat. When his muscles relax, his tongue basically blocks his airway. Surgery is possible, but they say only 50% effective...and very serious and painful. So it doesn't seem worth it if the machine works.
And so far, so good! Sweet, huh!
In the past few years, though - after I lost weight and became athletic - it has been a serious issue between us. I might go so far as to say an issue that made me question our marriage.
This year has gotten especially bad, too. It's not just that we go out more than we used to; it's that John uses Red Bull or other stuff like that to stay awake, and then he stays awake for way too long (even if I go to sleep) and then pays for it the following week. Stimulants - caffeine, energy drinks, etc - really affect him.
He needs them to be able to go out and have fun, but then he crashes hard. He'll fall asleep standing up, while driving, or whatever. He goes to bed at night and wakes up just as tired (maybe more so) in the morning.
Now, I've never had a problem falling or staying asleep. In fact, part of the reason I didn't realize for so long how serious John's sleep deprivation was is that I hit the pillow and fall asleep right away.
Recently, though, John started falling asleep before me. And I learned something: if he falls asleep first, I never get to sleep - because he snores and stops breathing.
I started to suspect he has sleep apnea, and that's why he is so tired all the time and never wants to do anything.
I forced him to go to the doctor, and two sleep studies later, we've learned that he does indeed have sleep apnea - it's even classified as severe. He wakes up 33 times an hour to breathe during lighter sleep and 66 times an hour during deep sleep. So obviously the poor guy never actually gets deep sleep.
This angel of a sleep doctor pulled strings to get him a CPAP machine prior to the Fourth of July holiday. And lo and behold - I have a new husband!
He's awake, alert, and feels great! He had no idea how bad it was until he finally felt well-rested. He wears this mask over his mouth and nose and it's connected to tubes and whatever - he says it looks more uncomfortable than it actually feels.
It's very quiet, too - all I hear is the sound of regular, light breathing. It's actually quite peaceful. (The Darth Vader thing is an exaggeration...but it's funny, so I keep saying it.)
There's no cure for sleep apnea; he'll be on the machine until something else is invented, I guess, or a cure is found. John's sleep apnea isn't about weight, unfortunately; it's the structure of his mouth, tongue and throat. When his muscles relax, his tongue basically blocks his airway. Surgery is possible, but they say only 50% effective...and very serious and painful. So it doesn't seem worth it if the machine works.
And so far, so good! Sweet, huh!
Monday, July 07, 2008
When does 11 miles feel like 20?
When you're out of shape and cocky, that's when.
Ugh. It was a flat 11 miles, too - and I have more pain in my feet (front of my ankle on the left, top of my right connected to my big toe and running across to the outside of my foot) than I've ever had.
And one of my knees hurts, too.
I'm trying to remind myself that running hurt in my first marathon training season; and with my lack of discipline around, well, everything right now, this is to be expected.
But it's annoying! I thought I already worked through all this stuff and could run forever! Blah!
Okay, done whining.
At least it was a nice day, and Gabriel came with me on his bike. He was so adorable - around mile 9 or so I fell behind in a futile attempt to get rid of my foot pain, and another girl was a ways behind me, so he kept riding between our pack leaders, me, and the girl behind to make sure everyone was okay. So cute!
And he asked if we could go for a ride today when I get home from work. It's so gorgeous outside that I might just shirk my household-cleaning duties to do just that.
This is going to be an interesting marathon training season, for sure. But I finally feel like I'm back motivated to run. Saturday night, we were out with friends and I just up and left so that I could get enough sleep to feel good Sunday.
I didn't even feel bad; in fact, when a friend looked at me and said, "Priorities!" in a resigned voice when I said I was leaving, I said, "Oh, no. It's not priorities; it's balance. I got to come out for a while, and I get to run tomorrow."
Hopefully this will last through October 5...Portland Marathon!
Ugh. It was a flat 11 miles, too - and I have more pain in my feet (front of my ankle on the left, top of my right connected to my big toe and running across to the outside of my foot) than I've ever had.
And one of my knees hurts, too.
I'm trying to remind myself that running hurt in my first marathon training season; and with my lack of discipline around, well, everything right now, this is to be expected.
But it's annoying! I thought I already worked through all this stuff and could run forever! Blah!
Okay, done whining.
At least it was a nice day, and Gabriel came with me on his bike. He was so adorable - around mile 9 or so I fell behind in a futile attempt to get rid of my foot pain, and another girl was a ways behind me, so he kept riding between our pack leaders, me, and the girl behind to make sure everyone was okay. So cute!
And he asked if we could go for a ride today when I get home from work. It's so gorgeous outside that I might just shirk my household-cleaning duties to do just that.
This is going to be an interesting marathon training season, for sure. But I finally feel like I'm back motivated to run. Saturday night, we were out with friends and I just up and left so that I could get enough sleep to feel good Sunday.
I didn't even feel bad; in fact, when a friend looked at me and said, "Priorities!" in a resigned voice when I said I was leaving, I said, "Oh, no. It's not priorities; it's balance. I got to come out for a while, and I get to run tomorrow."
Hopefully this will last through October 5...Portland Marathon!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A test of balance
It was pretty much an insane weekend.
So beginning with Friday evening, when I got home from San Francisco, John and I had concert tickets. I wasn't really down with going...but it was important to him, so I did.
BUT! I had to be headed home and in bed right after the show. On Saturday morning, I was a volunteer running buddy with Girls on the Run, and we were doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K. My buddy needed me to be ON - show up on time, and ready to run.
I'm happy to say all was good - I was in bed by around 2:30, up at 6 to be ready to leave by 7, get there by 7:30.
The thing that made it all more complicated, though, was that I also wanted to attend my friend Brian's bar mitzvah...at 10:30 a.m. Since the race was at 8:30, that didn't leave enough time to race, watch the other girls finish, say goodbye to my running buddy, get home, shower, dress, and get back into Seattle to the synagogue.
So, guess what I didn't do! Yup, shower!
The race was really fun - my buddy had had a cold, and I could tell she was suffering a bit. But she wouldn't walk a step - she wanted to get it done running, and she did. She even "emptied the gas tank" at the end and sprinted to the finish line. By my watch, we did it in about 35 minutes - not bad for a 10-year-old! She was the first girl from Redmond to finish and the third overall from the program.
I had John pick me up at 10 nearby - he and the kids were already ready. I changed my clothes in the car (putting on a dress in a car is HARD), pinned up my hair, and slapped on a little makeup. And off to the bar mitzvah we went.
Saturday afternoon was uneventful; we just hung out at home. But Saturday night we again had plans to go out.
And Sunday I had a 10-mile run planned.
I set a rule before we went out: no matter what time we left the club, I was going to be in bed by 2:30 a.m. No exceptions.
Our friends left around 1:15 to go back to one of their houses. I was actually happy about that, because that house is really close to mine so I knew I could hang for an hour or so before heading home.
At 2:20 a.m., I stood up and said, "Okay, time for me to go!"
My friend said, "FAIL! You can't leave yet!"
And by then, I didn't want to. People were still coming in to chill out after a fun night of dancing and great music - but I had two goals: re-discover the athlete I seemed to have lost a few months ago, and still enjoy my friends and going out. And it's just not possible to do both at the exact same time.
So 2:30 was my turn-back-into-a-pumpkin time; I apologized and took off.
After driving the three minutes home, getting undressed, getting my makeup off, and brushing my teeth, I looked at the clock. 2:33.
But the clock is a few minutes fast...so I figure I made my goal.
I woke up at 7:50, 10 minutes before my alarm. Plenty of time to drink some coffee and prepare for the run.
The girls arrived at my house at 8:45, we were on the trail at 9:15 or so. And the 10 miles? Not so bad. I could definitely feel myself fading a bit after five miles; a GU perked me up a bit, then gave me a tummyache (so much for the Iron Stomach I built last year). But I finished the 10 relatively happy with my performance - I mean, I'm not breaking any land-speed records, but I'm moving - and the pace was a decent 10:35 average per mile. Just fine for an early long run on the way to a 4-hour marathon! Oh yeah I'm going to run Portland. I should sign up right now to commit myself!
So then we had brunch and in the afternoon, I went hiking with a couple of other families and our kids. Four miles round trip, not super-steep, but it took 50 minutes to get to the top. Then Gabriel, one of the girls from another family and I pretty much ran down.
That was super-fun - and I felt great that I could go run 10, then hike and feel pretty good about that.
So that's what the weekend was: a test of balance. I hung with the kids, I volunteered, I exercised, and I stayed up pretty late to hang with friends. And all in a weekend between two pretty busy weeks at work.
Some days I really do feel like I can do it all: be a great wife, mother, employee and athlete. I just wish those some days were every day...
So beginning with Friday evening, when I got home from San Francisco, John and I had concert tickets. I wasn't really down with going...but it was important to him, so I did.
BUT! I had to be headed home and in bed right after the show. On Saturday morning, I was a volunteer running buddy with Girls on the Run, and we were doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K. My buddy needed me to be ON - show up on time, and ready to run.
I'm happy to say all was good - I was in bed by around 2:30, up at 6 to be ready to leave by 7, get there by 7:30.
The thing that made it all more complicated, though, was that I also wanted to attend my friend Brian's bar mitzvah...at 10:30 a.m. Since the race was at 8:30, that didn't leave enough time to race, watch the other girls finish, say goodbye to my running buddy, get home, shower, dress, and get back into Seattle to the synagogue.
So, guess what I didn't do! Yup, shower!
The race was really fun - my buddy had had a cold, and I could tell she was suffering a bit. But she wouldn't walk a step - she wanted to get it done running, and she did. She even "emptied the gas tank" at the end and sprinted to the finish line. By my watch, we did it in about 35 minutes - not bad for a 10-year-old! She was the first girl from Redmond to finish and the third overall from the program.
I had John pick me up at 10 nearby - he and the kids were already ready. I changed my clothes in the car (putting on a dress in a car is HARD), pinned up my hair, and slapped on a little makeup. And off to the bar mitzvah we went.
Saturday afternoon was uneventful; we just hung out at home. But Saturday night we again had plans to go out.
And Sunday I had a 10-mile run planned.
I set a rule before we went out: no matter what time we left the club, I was going to be in bed by 2:30 a.m. No exceptions.
Our friends left around 1:15 to go back to one of their houses. I was actually happy about that, because that house is really close to mine so I knew I could hang for an hour or so before heading home.
At 2:20 a.m., I stood up and said, "Okay, time for me to go!"
My friend said, "FAIL! You can't leave yet!"
And by then, I didn't want to. People were still coming in to chill out after a fun night of dancing and great music - but I had two goals: re-discover the athlete I seemed to have lost a few months ago, and still enjoy my friends and going out. And it's just not possible to do both at the exact same time.
So 2:30 was my turn-back-into-a-pumpkin time; I apologized and took off.
After driving the three minutes home, getting undressed, getting my makeup off, and brushing my teeth, I looked at the clock. 2:33.
But the clock is a few minutes fast...so I figure I made my goal.
I woke up at 7:50, 10 minutes before my alarm. Plenty of time to drink some coffee and prepare for the run.
The girls arrived at my house at 8:45, we were on the trail at 9:15 or so. And the 10 miles? Not so bad. I could definitely feel myself fading a bit after five miles; a GU perked me up a bit, then gave me a tummyache (so much for the Iron Stomach I built last year). But I finished the 10 relatively happy with my performance - I mean, I'm not breaking any land-speed records, but I'm moving - and the pace was a decent 10:35 average per mile. Just fine for an early long run on the way to a 4-hour marathon! Oh yeah I'm going to run Portland. I should sign up right now to commit myself!
So then we had brunch and in the afternoon, I went hiking with a couple of other families and our kids. Four miles round trip, not super-steep, but it took 50 minutes to get to the top. Then Gabriel, one of the girls from another family and I pretty much ran down.
That was super-fun - and I felt great that I could go run 10, then hike and feel pretty good about that.
So that's what the weekend was: a test of balance. I hung with the kids, I volunteered, I exercised, and I stayed up pretty late to hang with friends. And all in a weekend between two pretty busy weeks at work.
Some days I really do feel like I can do it all: be a great wife, mother, employee and athlete. I just wish those some days were every day...
Friday, June 20, 2008
Gotta love a business trip...
where you come and go in the same day.
I'm in San Francisco right now. Specifically, the airport. I've actually spent more time in the airports today...and I will have spent 6 more time on the airplane, too, once I get home, than I did in the meeting I had.
Wake up 4:30 a.m.
Wake the entire family so they can bring me to the airport (because we only have one car right now that fits everyone and John won't let me drive his NSX...or leave it at the airport for a day).
Get on plane at 6:30. Suffer with Starbucks coffee instead of the good stuff.
Confuse cab driver on the way to my meeting.
Arrive at the SF office in time to walk to good coffee with one of the people I was meeting with. Yay, one good thing.
Have a productive meeting for 3 hours or so.
Go back to airport.
Fail to get on standby for an earlier flight home....so wait in the airport for three and a half hours.
That's where I am.
Looks like the flight on which I'm confirmed, though, is on time...can't wait to sit in my middle seat!
Anyway, at least everywhere I go there's internet access. And I'm sure I'll have a nice dinner with the family when I get home.
Then John and I are going to go see Above & Beyond tonight; hopefully that will be a good time.
Tomorrow I'm running the Komen 5K with Girls on the Run. I'm a running buddy to a great girl who actually can run a decent 5K - 30 minutes or so! So I'm very excited about that.
Just need to get out of this airport!!!
I'm in San Francisco right now. Specifically, the airport. I've actually spent more time in the airports today...and I will have spent 6 more time on the airplane, too, once I get home, than I did in the meeting I had.
Wake up 4:30 a.m.
Wake the entire family so they can bring me to the airport (because we only have one car right now that fits everyone and John won't let me drive his NSX...or leave it at the airport for a day).
Get on plane at 6:30. Suffer with Starbucks coffee instead of the good stuff.
Confuse cab driver on the way to my meeting.
Arrive at the SF office in time to walk to good coffee with one of the people I was meeting with. Yay, one good thing.
Have a productive meeting for 3 hours or so.
Go back to airport.
Fail to get on standby for an earlier flight home....so wait in the airport for three and a half hours.
That's where I am.
Looks like the flight on which I'm confirmed, though, is on time...can't wait to sit in my middle seat!
Anyway, at least everywhere I go there's internet access. And I'm sure I'll have a nice dinner with the family when I get home.
Then John and I are going to go see Above & Beyond tonight; hopefully that will be a good time.
Tomorrow I'm running the Komen 5K with Girls on the Run. I'm a running buddy to a great girl who actually can run a decent 5K - 30 minutes or so! So I'm very excited about that.
Just need to get out of this airport!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Dieselboy made me a drum and bass fan
Last July, John and I were at a club, totally dancing and enjoying the music. Suddenly, he says, "Let's get out of here!" and pulls me toward the door. It was so abrupt that I was like, what is going on? Are we being threatened?
But no. John could hear a drum & bass song being mixed in, and knew that the tone of the music was about to change. He so dislikes drum & bass that he didn't want even one song to mess up his great night - so it was time to go.
So I guess I thought drum & bass was to be avoided at all costs.
But sometime this spring, my friend Ryan brought over a CD and played me a song - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang by High Contrast. I was hooked on the song - and really the rest of that album - immediately.
I started asking friends for recommendations for more drum & bass, and I found Dieselboy.
The sound is much harder, but there's something in it that pulls me in. I thought it would make me angry with that 180 beats per minute or whatever, but it doesn't - I actually can focus really well at work while listening to drum & bass. And while there is something that ties the genre together, it's much more complex than I think John believes.
So Friday night there was a show called "Monsters of Jungle" (jungle and drum & bass are either the same sub-genre of electronica or similar, depending on who you ask) here in Seattle, and I wanted to go really bad. And John wanted to stay home really bad.
We agreed that I'd go without him. He warned me I'd probably be shot at or knifed; apparently dangerous types go to drum & bass shows.
Whatever!
So first off, the show wasn't in a club - it's just a space where there are lots of shows, all different types of music. So everyone who was there was there for the music.
I have never felt so comfortable so quickly in a place I'd never been. The vibe was great - people were chill, either sitting down up in the balcony or dancing on the floor below. Nobody was obviously drunk and obnoxious. Nobody looked me up and down to check me out. Sa-weet.
We arrived right when Evol Intent was taking the stage. The music was great; you couldn't help but dance. But I was also fascinated by the MC. He talks and rhymes along to the music, and my friends who are in the know said that typically it really is just off the top of his head, playing off the crowd and the energy. It was cool.
When Dieselboy went on, though, oh my goodness. I couldn't help but run down the stairs to the dance floor. My friends followed. It was like a million degrees down there, but we couldn't stop moving. We took a break 30 minutes in so some people could go outside and smoke and cool off, but then we were back in the thick of it for another 45 minutes. Oh, and at some point, he played a drum and bass version of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Hand that Feeds" - which is like my favorite song to sing in "Rock Band." At the end of the night, we were pouring sweat and totally gross - but happy.
A friend of a friend told me I dance like a cat. I don't know what that means, but she says it's a good thing.
Anyway, the whole night was a massive contrast to a night we had just a few weeks ago in a club. We saw Judge Jules - in a regular club in Pioneer Square. That night - despite not being really dressed up, despite not wearing makeup, despite wearing my wedding ring, and despite BEING NEXT TO MY HUSBAND ALL NIGHT - I got my ass completely grabbed by a stranger, really obvious up-and-down looks from slimeballs, and shadow-danced with so much that my male friends had to push the guy away. UGH.
So I'm all about dnb now. I just have to get John into it. I promise he won't have a heart attack dancing to 180 bpm, really!
But no. John could hear a drum & bass song being mixed in, and knew that the tone of the music was about to change. He so dislikes drum & bass that he didn't want even one song to mess up his great night - so it was time to go.
So I guess I thought drum & bass was to be avoided at all costs.
But sometime this spring, my friend Ryan brought over a CD and played me a song - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang by High Contrast. I was hooked on the song - and really the rest of that album - immediately.
I started asking friends for recommendations for more drum & bass, and I found Dieselboy.
The sound is much harder, but there's something in it that pulls me in. I thought it would make me angry with that 180 beats per minute or whatever, but it doesn't - I actually can focus really well at work while listening to drum & bass. And while there is something that ties the genre together, it's much more complex than I think John believes.
So Friday night there was a show called "Monsters of Jungle" (jungle and drum & bass are either the same sub-genre of electronica or similar, depending on who you ask) here in Seattle, and I wanted to go really bad. And John wanted to stay home really bad.
We agreed that I'd go without him. He warned me I'd probably be shot at or knifed; apparently dangerous types go to drum & bass shows.
Whatever!
So first off, the show wasn't in a club - it's just a space where there are lots of shows, all different types of music. So everyone who was there was there for the music.
I have never felt so comfortable so quickly in a place I'd never been. The vibe was great - people were chill, either sitting down up in the balcony or dancing on the floor below. Nobody was obviously drunk and obnoxious. Nobody looked me up and down to check me out. Sa-weet.
We arrived right when Evol Intent was taking the stage. The music was great; you couldn't help but dance. But I was also fascinated by the MC. He talks and rhymes along to the music, and my friends who are in the know said that typically it really is just off the top of his head, playing off the crowd and the energy. It was cool.
When Dieselboy went on, though, oh my goodness. I couldn't help but run down the stairs to the dance floor. My friends followed. It was like a million degrees down there, but we couldn't stop moving. We took a break 30 minutes in so some people could go outside and smoke and cool off, but then we were back in the thick of it for another 45 minutes. Oh, and at some point, he played a drum and bass version of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Hand that Feeds" - which is like my favorite song to sing in "Rock Band." At the end of the night, we were pouring sweat and totally gross - but happy.
A friend of a friend told me I dance like a cat. I don't know what that means, but she says it's a good thing.
Anyway, the whole night was a massive contrast to a night we had just a few weeks ago in a club. We saw Judge Jules - in a regular club in Pioneer Square. That night - despite not being really dressed up, despite not wearing makeup, despite wearing my wedding ring, and despite BEING NEXT TO MY HUSBAND ALL NIGHT - I got my ass completely grabbed by a stranger, really obvious up-and-down looks from slimeballs, and shadow-danced with so much that my male friends had to push the guy away. UGH.
So I'm all about dnb now. I just have to get John into it. I promise he won't have a heart attack dancing to 180 bpm, really!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Hot. Ow. Yay!
So, here's me. Once upon a time, maybe a year or so ago, I thought it would be impossible for me to go even three days without exercising.
Oh how we change. I've since learned that when you take things one day at a time and just DON'T do something, it gets easier and easier not to.
I certainly haven't totally given up exercising...but it's a lot easier to skip now than it used to be. And as such, my weight lifting and yoga have basically completely fallen off.
So yesterday Danielle was teaching yoga at 8:15 p.m. It was a fairly important day for her (her own personal reasons), so I said I'd spend the evening with her and take her class.
Well, 8:15 p.m. at the hot yoga studio is CRAZY. There's a 90-minute class from 6:30 to 8 right before, and there were like seriously 45 people in a studio where 30 feels crowded. So in the 110-degree heat, it was humid and sweaty and stinky, before my class even started.
And I haven't done hot yoga since last September, and when I put on my yoga clothes, I saw all these lumps around my thighs and bottom than used to be there. Gross.
But anyway, I was going to go through with it.
Danielle is a seriously talented teacher. No matter what's going on in her personal life, she sets it aside and gives everything, every time, to her students. She's fun, encouraging, and just makes you both want to work hard and appreciate where you are right now.
So even though it was a zillion degrees and I'm nowhere near as flexible as I used to be and I weigh more and my head hurt every time it was lower than my heart, I pushed through and did as much as I could of the class. When it hurt the worst, I tried to recall the first few times I took hot yoga - how it was so hard, but how I walked out of the studio into the cool day and felt energized, cleansed from the inside out.
We laughed the entire way home. Sweating three pounds of water out can do that, I guess.
And today...I kinda want to go again!
Oh how we change. I've since learned that when you take things one day at a time and just DON'T do something, it gets easier and easier not to.
I certainly haven't totally given up exercising...but it's a lot easier to skip now than it used to be. And as such, my weight lifting and yoga have basically completely fallen off.
So yesterday Danielle was teaching yoga at 8:15 p.m. It was a fairly important day for her (her own personal reasons), so I said I'd spend the evening with her and take her class.
Well, 8:15 p.m. at the hot yoga studio is CRAZY. There's a 90-minute class from 6:30 to 8 right before, and there were like seriously 45 people in a studio where 30 feels crowded. So in the 110-degree heat, it was humid and sweaty and stinky, before my class even started.
And I haven't done hot yoga since last September, and when I put on my yoga clothes, I saw all these lumps around my thighs and bottom than used to be there. Gross.
But anyway, I was going to go through with it.
Danielle is a seriously talented teacher. No matter what's going on in her personal life, she sets it aside and gives everything, every time, to her students. She's fun, encouraging, and just makes you both want to work hard and appreciate where you are right now.
So even though it was a zillion degrees and I'm nowhere near as flexible as I used to be and I weigh more and my head hurt every time it was lower than my heart, I pushed through and did as much as I could of the class. When it hurt the worst, I tried to recall the first few times I took hot yoga - how it was so hard, but how I walked out of the studio into the cool day and felt energized, cleansed from the inside out.
We laughed the entire way home. Sweating three pounds of water out can do that, I guess.
And today...I kinda want to go again!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I am unbalanced. The Wii Fit told me so.
I'm totally not going to write exclusively about diet/exercise/training for triathlons any longer, because obviously I don't have too much to say. But ever since I got the Wii Fit, I've been dying to write about it.
I've wanted one of these things since I first heard of it, long before you could even order them in the US. I don't know why - it's not like I don't have a reasonable exercise regime, and I already know I hate working out indoors if I can go for a run outside.
But still, something about it drew me in - so I pre-ordered it on Amazon so I'd get it the day it came available.
I have to say, I'm somewhat impressed with it. It knows I'm unbalanced - it told me so right off the bat!
I know it actually means I put more weight on the right side of my body than my left (which I didn't know before the Wii Fit measured it), but still. Nice translation. And totally accurate anyway.
It also tells me I'm fat. So I know this about myself: my BMI always puts me right on the edge of normal weight and overweight. Some days I'm normal, some days I'm overweight - depending on clothes, time of the month, I ate too much yesterday, or whatever.
So when the Wii Fit weighs me and I come up "overweight" - even though it's BARELY in the overweight category - my little character (called a "Mii") grows a potbelly and looks down at it with a sad expression on her face.
It cracks me up every time - thank goodness I have reasonable self-esteem.
It does bug me, though, that it does that to my kids. Both kids come up as "overweight" even though, in my opinion, they're not fat. They're both solid. You can count Gabriel's ribs, and Camille gets kindy pudgy, then grows like three inches, then gets pudgy again. But neither is skinny. Gabriel doesn't care what the Wii says about him, but I can see the expression on my daughter's face and I know I'm going to be preventing eating disorders for the next 15 years. For now, though, I tell her it's calibrated for adults (a lie) and that she's perfect (the truth).
The games are kinda fun - Camille does a lot of yoga, and you can see her balance and posture improving. Gabriel and I prefer aerobics - I like the step aerobics games, and when I'm alone, I'll hula-hoop; Gabriel loves running. One night he ran around our kitchen island for - I am not exaggerating - 90 minutes. I was like dude, go outside. Seriously. If I wanted to run in place, I would have bought a treadmill and I'd be watching Law & Order re-runs, not listening to cheesy music and watching cartoon characters run.
I'm positive that the game is just a fad for us, just like Wii Sports was. We played a ton when we first got the Wii, like you do any video game, then you lose interest. But at the same time, I have worn my heart rate monitor while playing Wii Fit to see whether it can replace a real workout, and I think it can - though for someone like me who already knows how to exercise and enjoys it, I probably don't need to.
The one thing I wish it would let you do is count non-Wii Fit exercise in the log - it would be nice to be able to keep all of that data together, so even if today I go out and run six miles, I could weigh in on the Wii Fit and tell it I ran for an hour.
But anyway, since I'm not officially training for anything...I really don't need to track stats like that for now. :-)
I've wanted one of these things since I first heard of it, long before you could even order them in the US. I don't know why - it's not like I don't have a reasonable exercise regime, and I already know I hate working out indoors if I can go for a run outside.
But still, something about it drew me in - so I pre-ordered it on Amazon so I'd get it the day it came available.
I have to say, I'm somewhat impressed with it. It knows I'm unbalanced - it told me so right off the bat!
I know it actually means I put more weight on the right side of my body than my left (which I didn't know before the Wii Fit measured it), but still. Nice translation. And totally accurate anyway.
It also tells me I'm fat. So I know this about myself: my BMI always puts me right on the edge of normal weight and overweight. Some days I'm normal, some days I'm overweight - depending on clothes, time of the month, I ate too much yesterday, or whatever.
So when the Wii Fit weighs me and I come up "overweight" - even though it's BARELY in the overweight category - my little character (called a "Mii") grows a potbelly and looks down at it with a sad expression on her face.
It cracks me up every time - thank goodness I have reasonable self-esteem.
It does bug me, though, that it does that to my kids. Both kids come up as "overweight" even though, in my opinion, they're not fat. They're both solid. You can count Gabriel's ribs, and Camille gets kindy pudgy, then grows like three inches, then gets pudgy again. But neither is skinny. Gabriel doesn't care what the Wii says about him, but I can see the expression on my daughter's face and I know I'm going to be preventing eating disorders for the next 15 years. For now, though, I tell her it's calibrated for adults (a lie) and that she's perfect (the truth).
The games are kinda fun - Camille does a lot of yoga, and you can see her balance and posture improving. Gabriel and I prefer aerobics - I like the step aerobics games, and when I'm alone, I'll hula-hoop; Gabriel loves running. One night he ran around our kitchen island for - I am not exaggerating - 90 minutes. I was like dude, go outside. Seriously. If I wanted to run in place, I would have bought a treadmill and I'd be watching Law & Order re-runs, not listening to cheesy music and watching cartoon characters run.
I'm positive that the game is just a fad for us, just like Wii Sports was. We played a ton when we first got the Wii, like you do any video game, then you lose interest. But at the same time, I have worn my heart rate monitor while playing Wii Fit to see whether it can replace a real workout, and I think it can - though for someone like me who already knows how to exercise and enjoys it, I probably don't need to.
The one thing I wish it would let you do is count non-Wii Fit exercise in the log - it would be nice to be able to keep all of that data together, so even if today I go out and run six miles, I could weigh in on the Wii Fit and tell it I ran for an hour.
But anyway, since I'm not officially training for anything...I really don't need to track stats like that for now. :-)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Where's my blog, dude?
Seriously, I stopped training for an Ironman (because, like, I did it) and I stopped blogging. But I kind of miss laying my life out there for the general public to mock, so I might start again.
I'm more interested in writing more generally this time though...so we'll see where this goes.
However, I'm not ready to start writing today. This was just an intro post to make Jeff stop bugging me. He should really write some code or something - seriously!
I'm more interested in writing more generally this time though...so we'll see where this goes.
However, I'm not ready to start writing today. This was just an intro post to make Jeff stop bugging me. He should really write some code or something - seriously!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Running on empty is still running
I didn't quite make my five-days-a-week this week; Thursday I ran outside for an hour (in 25 degree weather again, yum) and lifted. Fortunately the lifting is getting easier.
Friday was super-fun: it was a cold day, but sunny, and I ran at noon. The sun makes me happy. I forgot though that running in 30 degree weather in sun is dramatically different from 30 degrees in darkness! So I had to shed some layers, but that only contributed to happiness anyway. Warmth is good this time of year.
I wanted to work out yesterday, but family took priority. We took the kids to "Baby Loves Disco," and I wanted to dance but it was too crowded - too many little kids to trip over. But Camille liked it; Gabriel was too cool, of course.
Then last night, I sort of worked out - we went out dancing, and danced for nearly four hours! So much fun. I really want to wear my heart rate monitor some time and see how many calories I burn from dancing. But that's so dorky I don't think even I could do it for real.
The thing is, Danielle and I were planning to run today. Since the club closed at 2, I figured I'd be home by 2:20 at the latest. But we went with friends, and we drove, and they didn't want to stay out quite as late, so we gave them our car and got a ride with another friend. But that got us home at more like 3:20...and then I stayed up until 4.
I was meeting Danielle at 9, and unfortunately when I know I have to get up on too little sleep, I sleep even worse. So I dozed on and off until about 7:30, when I just gave up and got out of bed.
Maybe this was lucky: today it's really icy out. Danielle and I had to run slower than we usually do; I actually slipped and did some sort of baseball slide on the sidewalk before I realized how slippery it was. I bruised my knee, hip, elbow, and wrist...but fortunately, it's just bruises and after I walked for a minute, I could run again.
We ran for a little more than an hour, and it felt just fine. But when I got home....whoa. I felt horrible!
So now it's past noon, I'm back in my pajamas and bathrobe, and I'm considering not getting dressed today at all. My legs are sore and tired!
It's a great day to play board games and Rock Band with the kids, anyway. :-)
Friday was super-fun: it was a cold day, but sunny, and I ran at noon. The sun makes me happy. I forgot though that running in 30 degree weather in sun is dramatically different from 30 degrees in darkness! So I had to shed some layers, but that only contributed to happiness anyway. Warmth is good this time of year.
I wanted to work out yesterday, but family took priority. We took the kids to "Baby Loves Disco," and I wanted to dance but it was too crowded - too many little kids to trip over. But Camille liked it; Gabriel was too cool, of course.
Then last night, I sort of worked out - we went out dancing, and danced for nearly four hours! So much fun. I really want to wear my heart rate monitor some time and see how many calories I burn from dancing. But that's so dorky I don't think even I could do it for real.
The thing is, Danielle and I were planning to run today. Since the club closed at 2, I figured I'd be home by 2:20 at the latest. But we went with friends, and we drove, and they didn't want to stay out quite as late, so we gave them our car and got a ride with another friend. But that got us home at more like 3:20...and then I stayed up until 4.
I was meeting Danielle at 9, and unfortunately when I know I have to get up on too little sleep, I sleep even worse. So I dozed on and off until about 7:30, when I just gave up and got out of bed.
Maybe this was lucky: today it's really icy out. Danielle and I had to run slower than we usually do; I actually slipped and did some sort of baseball slide on the sidewalk before I realized how slippery it was. I bruised my knee, hip, elbow, and wrist...but fortunately, it's just bruises and after I walked for a minute, I could run again.
We ran for a little more than an hour, and it felt just fine. But when I got home....whoa. I felt horrible!
So now it's past noon, I'm back in my pajamas and bathrobe, and I'm considering not getting dressed today at all. My legs are sore and tired!
It's a great day to play board games and Rock Band with the kids, anyway. :-)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Why did I want to start this up again?
Ow I lifted weights today!
I did last Wednesday, too, and I thought today would be easier. Nope. It's hard!
I was doing that Crossfit class until mid-December, but since then - so a month - I haven't done any sort of weight lifting. And it's amazing how quickly you lose it! I needed to go down in all weights, and I'm sure to be sore tomorrow.
However, I do know why I wanted to start this up again. I feel better when I feel stronger. I just have to remember that when I feel...less strong.
Although, how about this for resolve! It was 24 degrees this morning, and I got my behind out of bed and went to the gym and ran OUTSIDE with Nancy. Woo-hoo!
It was cold, but not so bad - I wore my SkirtSports ToughGirl running skirt/pants, a tank top, a warm running shirt, a light jacket, two pairs of gloves, a headband, and a hat. Overall, my face was a little cold, but the rest of me was pretty much just fine. So 24 degrees = many layers.
In other news, I ran for 75 minutes on Sunday and felt fabulous. It was a fairly slow pace - I hurt my big toe wearing cute heels, and I can feel the bruise when I run - but I loved that I could just go out and do it and feel totally normal. That reminds me that even slow, I'm a runner.
I did last Wednesday, too, and I thought today would be easier. Nope. It's hard!
I was doing that Crossfit class until mid-December, but since then - so a month - I haven't done any sort of weight lifting. And it's amazing how quickly you lose it! I needed to go down in all weights, and I'm sure to be sore tomorrow.
However, I do know why I wanted to start this up again. I feel better when I feel stronger. I just have to remember that when I feel...less strong.
Although, how about this for resolve! It was 24 degrees this morning, and I got my behind out of bed and went to the gym and ran OUTSIDE with Nancy. Woo-hoo!
It was cold, but not so bad - I wore my SkirtSports ToughGirl running skirt/pants, a tank top, a warm running shirt, a light jacket, two pairs of gloves, a headband, and a hat. Overall, my face was a little cold, but the rest of me was pretty much just fine. So 24 degrees = many layers.
In other news, I ran for 75 minutes on Sunday and felt fabulous. It was a fairly slow pace - I hurt my big toe wearing cute heels, and I can feel the bruise when I run - but I loved that I could just go out and do it and feel totally normal. That reminds me that even slow, I'm a runner.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I'm back
So it's been so long since I blogged that I couldn't remember my password.
I guess this is how most bloggers probably end: you mean to blog the next day, and the next, but you get busy, and you can't think of anything to say, so you sort of drift away.
Well, I've worked out for four days in a row now! That's more than anytime since I was training for the Ironman!
And I have to say, it feels good. I've been sleepy and tired too much lately, and as much as my weight is normal, I haven't felt strong and athletic. Then yesterday I spent a little time with a co-worker who wants to do his first half-Ironman, and I remembered that training is fun! Plus, on Wednesday I had dinner with the running girls, and two of them said they might do one of the Pacific Crest races....so it's time. I'm back, and I'm blogging.
I'm not 100% sure yet what goals I'm going to set; one of them is likely going to be "never exercise or train more than 10 hours a week in 2008." I want to keep the volume and commitment low; I just started a new job and I'm excited about that, and I want to continue to focus on the kids and hubby. We've been having a blast together as a family (four family members form a perfect Rock Band - game for the Xbox 360, in case you're unfamiliar) - and I think John and I are finding a balance between going out and partying and staying home and partying with the kids. It's working.
And I'm happy. Not every minute of every day, but definitely more happy than unhappy. I don't think I could really ask for more than that!
I guess this is how most bloggers probably end: you mean to blog the next day, and the next, but you get busy, and you can't think of anything to say, so you sort of drift away.
Well, I've worked out for four days in a row now! That's more than anytime since I was training for the Ironman!
And I have to say, it feels good. I've been sleepy and tired too much lately, and as much as my weight is normal, I haven't felt strong and athletic. Then yesterday I spent a little time with a co-worker who wants to do his first half-Ironman, and I remembered that training is fun! Plus, on Wednesday I had dinner with the running girls, and two of them said they might do one of the Pacific Crest races....so it's time. I'm back, and I'm blogging.
I'm not 100% sure yet what goals I'm going to set; one of them is likely going to be "never exercise or train more than 10 hours a week in 2008." I want to keep the volume and commitment low; I just started a new job and I'm excited about that, and I want to continue to focus on the kids and hubby. We've been having a blast together as a family (four family members form a perfect Rock Band - game for the Xbox 360, in case you're unfamiliar) - and I think John and I are finding a balance between going out and partying and staying home and partying with the kids. It's working.
And I'm happy. Not every minute of every day, but definitely more happy than unhappy. I don't think I could really ask for more than that!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Does Crossfit help with my triathlon training?
Someone asked me that in a comment the last time I posted.
I'm thinking, yes and no.
Yes, because it's motivating. It replaces strength training for me, and the competitive aspect of it makes me want to show up and work hard.
But no, because it's definitely not sport-specific, and I do believe in sport-specific training for triathlon.
So speaking of triathlon, it's about that time for me to make plans for next year.
But I'm pretty happy without plans. Plus, I can't stand the site of my bicycles. Isn't that terrible? I have no desire whatsoever to bike! Even on a gorgeous day, I just don't want to!
And of course I don't want to swim, so I'm not doing that either. Plus I worry about the effects of chlorine on my pink hair, and it's way too cold to swim outside now.
So, I run. I'm happy running. I don't really feel like racing, though. This weekend I think I'll take the kids to do a 1K run with Santa and his elves - that should be good fun, but I don't want to actually race the 5K adults' run myself.
I guess this is normal; I've had three years of being totally focused on racing and training. It feels so nice to not have to do anything. It's not that I don't love the exercise anymore; I definitely do. I just don't want to put triathlon training high up on my priority list right now, because when it gets moved up there, so many other things drop way down.
So, I'm blogging less, though I'm thinking about being a more general blogger and not writing about exercise all the time. I do have my Disney blog, but that's more about the family. Often I have stuff to write about that isn't about either.
And perhaps in January I'll pick out a race to target. But I know this: I do not plan on working on speed or moving up in the age group rankings for any given race. When I race next summer - and I am sure I will race some - it will be purely for fun. Maybe I'll be last in every race I target. Who knows. I just know right now, I need a break.
I'm thinking, yes and no.
Yes, because it's motivating. It replaces strength training for me, and the competitive aspect of it makes me want to show up and work hard.
But no, because it's definitely not sport-specific, and I do believe in sport-specific training for triathlon.
So speaking of triathlon, it's about that time for me to make plans for next year.
But I'm pretty happy without plans. Plus, I can't stand the site of my bicycles. Isn't that terrible? I have no desire whatsoever to bike! Even on a gorgeous day, I just don't want to!
And of course I don't want to swim, so I'm not doing that either. Plus I worry about the effects of chlorine on my pink hair, and it's way too cold to swim outside now.
So, I run. I'm happy running. I don't really feel like racing, though. This weekend I think I'll take the kids to do a 1K run with Santa and his elves - that should be good fun, but I don't want to actually race the 5K adults' run myself.
I guess this is normal; I've had three years of being totally focused on racing and training. It feels so nice to not have to do anything. It's not that I don't love the exercise anymore; I definitely do. I just don't want to put triathlon training high up on my priority list right now, because when it gets moved up there, so many other things drop way down.
So, I'm blogging less, though I'm thinking about being a more general blogger and not writing about exercise all the time. I do have my Disney blog, but that's more about the family. Often I have stuff to write about that isn't about either.
And perhaps in January I'll pick out a race to target. But I know this: I do not plan on working on speed or moving up in the age group rankings for any given race. When I race next summer - and I am sure I will race some - it will be purely for fun. Maybe I'll be last in every race I target. Who knows. I just know right now, I need a break.
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