Paying for pineapple-orange cake

I made a couple of eating mistakes yesterday.

First: I didn't have an afternoon snack at work, so I was very, very hungry when I got home. So at home, right away, I had two snacks, because I was so hungry and wanted both: a banana with peanut butter and whole-wheat crackers and cheese. Both snacks were measured and within my guidelines for acceptable snacks, but I should have only had one, not two.

Then: I still ate a great dinner - perfect, really. Five ounces of salmon plus a cup of green beans. Yum.

But the downfall was that my Bible study group came over, and someone brought a pineapple-orange cake. I cut a very small slide for myself...then another, then another. I found myself just eating more and more and telling myself to stop and being unable to. Frankly, it was awful. I was thinking about my orange sweater and how good I've been lately and how much the cake wouldn't be worth the extra weight and the work I'd have to do to make up for it, and finally, after everyone left, I took what was left of the cake and threw it into the garbage disposal so I wouldn't eat any more. What should have been a 100-calorie taste turned into what I estimate at 500 calories. Ugh.

This morning my weight was 140.2. That's .8 higher than yesterday.

So I made up for it in working out. I know this is one of the signs of exercise bulimia, and frankly, I don't care. What's worse: to feel guilty and miserable and hate myself for making a mistake and worry about backsliding and regaining the weight and sending myself into a crazy state of mind, or doing an extra half-hour of non-impact cardio to work off a few more calories? I choose the exercise. I think I'm not completely unreasonable.

I think when you've been fat, you always worry about getting back there again. Life is so drastically different for a thin person - seriously! - and for me, in every way better. But I need constant reassurance that I am thin(ish - see, I can't even say it), that I'm a decent athlete, that I can wear whatever clothing I want, that I can look in the mirror and not hate what I see.

So...yeah. I'd rather work out some more and rid my body of calories and my brain of guilt than learn how to live with these mistakes. These mistakes happen too often, too easily, and have too high of a price to let them go.

For my workout, I did a six-mile run with Nancy and Sarah, then decided I should get some speed work in. I did the fast running in two parts: A one-mile run as fast as I could, then intervals alternating a faster speed for one minute with a jog for two.

For my fast run, I chose 8.5 on the treadmill - a 7:03 mile - and pushed it up to 9.0 for the last .10 of the mile. Because the treadmill takes a while to ramp up, my overall time was 7:07. It hurt, but when I was halfway through, I got that little burst of confidence that told me I would indeed finish successfully. Now I have an excellent baseline from which to move towards my 6 minute mile goal. :-)

Then I did two minutes of 6.0 (ten minute miles) and one minute of 9.0 (6:40 minute miles), alternating for 15 minutes. That was fun. I will eventually switch the ratio and do one minute recovery, two minutes hard, but since it's been a while since I did real intervals I figured this was a good start.

To pay for the cake, I jumped on the Stairmaster for 30 minutes and kept my HR above 150.

So, here are today's data. Today's goal: No cake!

Food:
Pre-workout: Banana and milk in coffee, 110 cals
Breakfast: Cottage cheese, plum, 1 hard-boiled egg, string cheese: 285 cals
Lunch: Salad with chicken, bread: 465 calories
Snack: Granola bar and piece of chocolate, 185 cals
Snack: Crackers and cheese (and a little bit of peanut butter): 225 cals
Dinner: Pork tenderloin, jasmine rice, broccoli: 550 cals
Total today: 1820

Exercise:
Run 1.5 hours
Stairmaster 30 minutes
1020 calories burned