It took us nearly two hours to leave home yesterday - we had to run a whole bunch of errands first - but finally arrived here in Penticton at about 4 p.m. Six hours in the car with two kids = NO FUN AT ALL. And I do love a road trip.
Anyway, I freaked out twice since we entered Canada: Once when driving just past the border. We actually came in on the bike course, and the description and elevation profile on the map I have calls it a gentle downhill. Well, it looked more like a menacing uphill to me! Not steep uphill, but I'm-going-12-mph-uphill-and-at-this-pace-won't-make-the-bike-cutoff uphill.
The second time was in my hotel room. I don't know why, I just started crying.
I think the reason this is so meaningful is not in the race itself. It's much more meaningful that I did well in school, or work hard at my job, or raise a healthy, happy family or maintain a solid marriage. And I think about incidents that have happened in my life: the seizures my husband has had in the middle of the night (he's diabetic and sometimes has severe hypoglycemia) or the times my son was hospitalized with croup or the time my car got stuck in the snow with three kids in it, and I know my reactions to those events are the evidence of how tough I am.
Ironman is one day - but it's one day that will give me a relentless physical and mental challenge. There will be no break, and the test is pretty much pass/fail. There's value in failing gracefully, of course, but failure has a high cost if I ever want to attempt this again.
If I succeed, it's something to look back on when things in life get difficult. If I did THIS, what else can I do? How much smaller does the world get, because stuff I didn't think could happen can?
Today I'm going to focus on enjoying the build up. I can't train any more physically. All I can do is get in the right state of mind.
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3 comments:
I love this post. You should be so proud of yourself for being up there! Just think of all of us who are living vicariously through you right now. You will do what some of us only dream about.
I hope you look back and can say you enjoyed it, maybe not every minute of it, but hopefully you'll remember the good things!
Will be thinking of you this weekend.
Jess, you worked so hard to get where you are. You deserve every moment of it. Have a great race. I'll be watching for you Sunday :-)
Hi Jess, I have been reading your blog for a while and wanted to de-lurk to wish you the BEST of luck- as this is my first full tri season, your dedication amazes me, as well as your amazing commitment to your family. GOOD LUCK, I'll be checking your status as the day goes on....
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