More to say

I like my lists, but today I feel like there's more that I want to write about.

I woke up at 4:58 a.m. - despite not going to bed until past 11. (Such a dumb reason, too - I was listening to something on satellite radio in my car - last week's DJ set by Paul Van Dyk for Sirius - and I knew the very last record he played was a remix of Depeche Mode's "Precious" and it was really good and I wanted to hear it again.)

It was fairly easy to get out of bed and get to the Pro Club to run with the girls. Nancy, Sarah, Shona, and Su met up for an hour and 15 minutes or so of road and trail running.

It was my last training run with the girls before IMC. When we were done and stretching, all I could think about was how much I wanted a shower, but how much I didn't want that moment to end. I just wanted to stay and chit-chat and not move on to the next part of my day. Because moving on means moving closer to the time that I leave for Canada, which means moving closer to the time I race. And I'm scared. I know I said I wasn't going to post about feeling nervous any longer, but I can't help it. I do. I am.

And all the things people say you feel during a taper - like you didn't train enough, like you want to go out and ride hills for three hours to prove you can, whatever - is how I feel. Except I keep saying, "But I DIDN'T train hard enough! I DIDN'T put in the time I should have!"

I haven't filled in my training log for a few weeks because I'm afraid to know what the actual percentage of my training I completed is. I'm guessing it's around 75%. Maybe.

I haven't stepped on the scale in weeks because I don't weigh what I wanted to by now.

But less than a week from now, it will all be over. I know I need to stay in the moment and enjoy it.

I went through childbirth twice. I only remember the good parts - like how cute my babies were, and how relieved I felt when it was over. I know intellectually that Ironman will be like that: I will only remember how amazing and wonderful it was.

But fear isn't intellectual.

Anyway, I'm number 2199. I expect to do the following times:

Swim: 1:30 to 1:45 - so you can check on me at 8:30 a.m. to 8:45 a.m.
Bike: 8:00 or so - so I should finish it between 4:30 p.m. and 5 p.m.
Run: 5:00 or so - so maybe 9:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.?

The bike is pretty much worst-case scenario; there's not a lot of room for error when the course closes at 5:30 p.m. And the run is optimistic. I hope I feel well enough to run 12-minute miles.

We'll see!