I know I have to respect the distance.
So I'm hoping nerves are normal. I so appreciate all that you readers and friends are saying - comments and in personal emails - but I still keep going between two feelings:
1) OH MY GOODNESS I'M RUNNING AWAY TO MEXICO.
2) Shut the hell up, Jessica. It's just a race. You're doing this VOLUNTARILY and FOR FUN.
The thing is, it's just one day. Which is both a good thing and a tough one. It's good because - no matter what - it's over in 17 hours from when I start. Finish or DNF, it's done.
And it's tough because my family has sacrificed for me. I've sacrificed. My friends, my job, my relatives have all supported me. Everyone is invested in me completing this thing (especially me) and I just don't feel like completing is a given!
I loved Wendy's comments about what failure is - and as a mom, I totally relate (read my Disney blog post about my son's failed swimming test to know I really do).
But I only get one day to try to succeed. Because even though I already cleared my DNF plan with my husband (sign up to try again next year), I don't want to do that. I trained this year. I did things wrong and some things right this year, and I want to prove that despite the messed up summer, something good can come out of this difficult season and I can accomplish a goal of mine, inspire others, and learn something more about myself.
I'm not asking you, my readers, to necessarily say nice things (though I appreciate them) or whatever. I just want to be honest about how I feel nine days before going into this thing. For the rest of my time before I step foot in the water August 26, I'm going to work on my mental game: positive thinking, visualization, creating a plan for what I'll do when it gets tough.
So this is my last post about my anxiety. I've said it all. Now it's time to fix that last thing before the race.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
The best advice I can give you, looking back on it all, is enjoy every scrap of the day. Know that no matter what happens it all happens for a reason, and because of this you need to accept it, roll through it, and throughout all of it never entertain ideas of "what if I don't..." or "what if I can't..."
Expect to do only what you've trained to do. Let your best training swims, rides and runs be your goals. Know there will be times when you are afraid you're going to lose it all, but that this time passes after 10-20 minutes - a 'prozac patch' -and you DO wind up on the other side of it just like in training.
Go step by step and don't think of the next leg of the race until you are just steps from it. 100 yards left to swim, think of the bike, prepare. Three miles left of the bike, think of the run... prepare. Expect adrenaline to flood your system and remind yourself to breathe and pace through.
If nothing else, if you lose all other focus for any amount of time just know that every second you're out on that course you are someone's hero, that you're one per cent of one per cent of the world who could ever dream of beginning such a journey, and that you are an amazing, amazing woman.
Fair weather for you Jess, go and get your Ironman!!!
What an exciting time for you - I can't believe it's already here! I bet you don't sleep a wink before the big day. =) I hope you do though!
I had a mentor once tell me, I wasn't allowed to say I was stressed out or nervous, instead, she said to call it 'excited' because it's the same feelings, butterflies in my stomach, etc. Mentally though, being excited is much more positive than being anxious. For you, I hope this truly is an exciting time, there aren't many people who will attempt to do what you're doing. You ROCK.
All I can say is that you are not doing this for me. Yea, we support you, your friends support you, and family, and I'm sure the family made sacrifices for you, but this is your day to do with as you will. You are Iron ready. Thanks for sharing your ride with us...
The best advice I can give you Jess, is to stay in the moment. Stay with yourself right where you are - then you can't worry about "what if" because you are just dealing with right now. Worrying about what if won't help you.
You've trained - you are ready. Don't psych yourself out - you belong there. Go get 'em! :)
Char
I'm so excited for you! I will be glued to the computer that entire day. You KNOW you put in the training to finish...now you just have to go with the flow.
You were a big part of my initial inspiration when I was thinking about getting into this triathlon season last summer. I now have 3 sprints under my belt and my first Olympic is this weekend and I'm nervous...small beans compared to where you're at but I know you can probably remember back to the early days.
I'll work on my mental game and letting go of my nerves if you do the same!
In a few more years maybe I'll be blogging about my first Ironman and you'll be a seasoned vet with a few under your belt giving advice to all us newbies!
You can do it!
Jessica -
It's been a while since I've read, but here's my two cents. I teach BodyPump (totally not the same thing, but whatev) and in my training, I was told of an instructor that comes from their "normal" job to the gym and always asks for the use of an office before class to "get prepped" for class. Finally, after weeks and weeks of this, the manager asked her what she did to get prepped that she needed privacy for, and she said I have to pump myself up for class. I get in there and scream and jump around, and before I leave I cheer myself on with "here we go, here we go, here we go". I guess you had to be there, but the story was really funny. I'll be thinking of you on IM day and cheering you on with "HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO!"
You'll be fine!
Post a Comment