Okay, so it's like a week and a half away.
Every time I think about the word "Ironman," I get nervous.
I can swim. I can bike. I can run. I can even do them all in the same day.
But I'm worried about this race. I'm worried about the fact that I only have one weekend left to not do this race before I do this race.
I guess one of the problems is, I can't visualize the entire thing. Maybe that will be easier when I get there and drive the course, read and memorize the participant guide, etc. But right now, I just think: line up with 3000 other athletes and get in water. Get out of water 1.5 hours later. Someone strips my wetsuit? How does that work? What am I wearing for the swim anyway, and will I be getting naked in front of a volunteer as I change into my bike gear?
How will my head respond when I'm biking? What happens when I get bored or tired? Should I keep the PowerMeter I've been borrowing on the bike? Does it slow me down because I get depressed at my lack of power? Or should I just ignore that data and go off heart rate and RPE? Are the hills really hills? Am I a hill climber? Will my knees hurt?
Will I eat enough? Drink enough? Have enough salt? WILL I MAKE THE BIKE CUTOFF? How will I feel if I don't?
Should I wear the same top for the bike and the run? The new tri top I bought is a little big - it works okay for running, but when I'm in my aero bars, um, there's a nice little show there.
What if my legs hurt when I start the run? What if it's hot and I'm sticky and salty and unhappy? What if my tummy hurts or I get a sidestitch? What if my feet are sore and muscles have no juice?
I want to wear my pink camo running skirt for the run. But if it gets cold later in the evening, I don't have a top to match it (a long-sleeve top).
Okay, maybe clothing is nothing to stress about. Food? Reflective tape? Getting passed and passed and passed on the bike?
I will pass people back on the run, though. I did at Pacific Crest when I paced myself on the bike, and I likely will again if I pace properly.
Can't I just run away to Mexico for the Ironman week? Why did I tell anyone I was doing this? I feel like if I fail, everyone knows - and I have to own up to it and I'll be so ashamed.
I feel fat and I don't feel like eating properly. Not eating properly will contribute to a worse race. The idea that I might have a worse race makes me want to eat poorly. Lots of vicious cycles here.
Just three more work days until we leave for Canada. I wonder what the next stage of preparing for this race is? I've gone through confidence in my training to anxiety. Next is...any ideas?
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7 comments:
Go rent The Secret, or Facing the Giants, or The Way of the Peaceful Warrior...look up Team Hoyt on the internet and watch some video clips....you CAN visualize - you've done this a million times, swim, bike, run....swim, bike, run....just now, it's in Canada. =)
Who cares what other people think, it's how YOU feel that matters. And, speaking of failures, even though I know you won't fail, I just want to mention this fact. It really pisses me off that "failing" is such a "bad" word - we never show our kids how to fail and recover. We don't let them see our failures. They will grow up not knowing how to try again! If they see us fail every once in a while, and see us work harder the next time to succeed, don't you think that teaches them a valuable lesson? If they never see us fail, how scary is that? They won't want to try anything too hard, for FEAR of failure, which is really sad...
Okay, off my soap box for now, there are tons of us who believe in you, now you need to believe in yourself! And, I hate to break it to you, but no one's going to care if you're showing too much on your aero bars. ;-) Be comfortable though!
Jess, you will do marvelous. You are one tricked out athlete. The most important thing is to stay on your nutrition plan. All that other stuff is what I call "make do" stuff. If it doesn't work out, you can make do. I will be thinking about you at the starting line of my Oly. Race string, sista....
Also race strOng! Hehe, sorry, I couldn't resist.
Anyway, Jess I totally loved this post. So honest. You say everything that I always think before just about ANY race.
As for fear of failure, I can totally relate, but here are some quotes to take with you to IMC:
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - Teddy Roosevelt
And if you are in the middle of IM and thinking you might not make it, remember this:
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison
And for those times when we do fail - although I do NOT think IMC will be one of those times for you:
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill
You are gonna kick butt. I can not wait to read your race report!
More good quotes:
http://thinkexist.com/quotations/failure/
You are going to do just fine and will stomp those other middle aged ladies - just kidding!
Relax and enjoy the ride. You have definitely put in the training and your body is ready and soon you mind will be too.
There are probably 2689 other people with the same exact worries and anxiety as you (well maybe except for the trying to match a pink skirt part). Just go into the race knowing it could be chaotic during transitions and so what? That is part of the tri challenge-keeping your cool and staying focused. On the bike be smart in your gear selection and hand position so you don't waste energy--stay supple and keep your upper body relaxed--and don't wig!
In terms of what to wear. The weather forecast for IMC looks quite variable (55 to 80 degrees F) so you might want to include a few clothing options in your transition bags. That way you can choose on race day.
Don't worry about what the other athletes are doing. This is YOUR day. You have earned it. It may sound odd but you should remind yourself throughout the day to ENJOY yourself and everything around you. Like the soothing lake water during the swim, the beautiful scenery on the bike course or the very thoughtful volunteer that handed you that glass of ice. And there will be thousands of people there to cheer you on.
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